Well, here I am again. Not sure if my posting will continue but I'm not ready to give up my blog completely. So I"m either going to do it or I'm not.
I'm finding I"m having a hard time getting my thoughts together so that I can get them out of my head. Even in bible study, there will be a question and honestly, I cannot think of how to answer it. I'm wondering if maybe it has been too much surfing the web, blog hopping, reading others thoughts, others ideas, living others lives instead of living my own.
I read a scripture last week I want to share. It made me realize that I was filling my time with things that are not profitable-like facebook. Ouch! But this is how it is. It is my escape from reality, my 'drug' if you will, my way of dealing with things I don't want to deal with. I will get on facebook or blog hop or lately it has been real estate websites (cause I desperately want to move out of this mobile home into a 'real' house, that is a whole other blog post!!). But I read this scripture and I realized, no wonder I'm not growing as a person, as a Christian, as a mom and wife. Becuase I'm not 'eating' or 'spending money on' what is good for me. The scripture is Isaiah 55:2
Why do you spend money for what is not bread,
And your wages for what does not satisfy?
Listen carefully to Me
And eat what is good,
And let your soul delight itself in abundance.
I have been "spending" not money but my time (what is that saying, "time is money?"), on things that do not truly satisfy. I'm looking at how others live, what others do and I'm not doing anything myself. I'm finding lots of ideas about alot of things-from homekeeping to crafts, to recipes-but I'm not applying much if any of it to my life.
I want to live! Truly live!! I don't want to get to the another end of the day and realize it has been wasted.
The bible study I am in now is Beth Moore's "Living Free". It talks about strongholds. She describes a stronghold as
'anything that exalts itself in our minds, pretending to be bigger or more powerful than our God. It steals our focus and causes us to feel overpowerd. Controlled. Mastered. Whether our stronghold is an addiction, unforgiveness toward a person who has hurt us, or despair over a loss, it consumes so much of our emotional and mental energy that it strangles our abundant life. Our callings remain unfulfilled, and our believing lives become uneffective."
What I've talked about in this post is a major stronghold in my life. I'm pouring out my heart here for all you who read. Kinda scary but...one thing I want this blog to be is to be honest, to be real life.
So, today I'm praying this prayer and I'm going to trust that God will help me break thru this stronghold and help me to get back to being real.
Father, why do I spend my time and energy seeking out those things that do not truly satisfy, things that bring me down, things that cause me to think less of myself because I'm not as good as or I don't have or I can't do that. Things that take my time and attention away from You, away from my family, from myself, cause I'm really not taking care of myself either. Forgive me and help me to listen to You and to 'eat', to take in, to consume what is good for me and what will sustaine me, so that my soul will delight and rest in abundance of all that You are. Amen.
Disclaimer~~This is me speaking here. As I read over this post I realized that some of you probly don't have a problem with keeping facebook, the internet, etc where it needs to be in you life and you're probly thinking why does she have a problem with it. But as with any other 'addiction', some people cant' do that. I guess I'm one of them. We all have our own strongholds and 'addictions' in our lives.